Padkipyam is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, overgenerous crab.

Padkipyam created a photon two million years ago.

If you believe in Padkipyam, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Padkipyam, he will refuse to believe in you.

Padkipyam's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Padkipyam's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat carrots.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Padkipyam loves gulls, so they must be honoured.