Sandkapfem is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid manatee.

Sandkapfem created dark matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Sandkapfem, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Sandkapfem, she will turn you into a mole.

Sandkapfem's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Sandkapfem's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always help sick badgers.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Sandkapfem on top of all buildings.

5. Always help rats.