Flapflanhog is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, astonishing walrus.

Flapflanhog created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flapflanhog, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flapflanhog, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flapflanhog's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Flapflanhog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Flapflanhog loves voles, so they must be honoured.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Never feed spinach to moths while wearing mauve hats.