Hogvabwan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, caring swallow.

Hogvabwan created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogvabwan, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hogvabwan, she will turn you into a tree.

Hogvabwan's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Hogvabwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Do not eat aubergines.

3. Always help ants in need.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. You must never eat pineapples.