Badstigbigquat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, intelligent fairy.

Badstigbigquat created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Badstigbigquat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Badstigbigquat, he will not care.

Badstigbigquat's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Badstigbigquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always help moths in need.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always take life seriously.