Bessnulzanbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a small, weak wombat.

Bessnulzanbarn created everything that exists four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessnulzanbarn, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bessnulzanbarn, he will jump up and down on your head.

Bessnulzanbarn's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Bessnulzanbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bessnulzanbarn.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not wear silicon on your body.

4. Never go into gray rooms.

5. Always wear magenta.