Xenfemlik is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless raccoon.

Xenfemlik created dark matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xenfemlik, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Xenfemlik, it will boil you in a big pot.

Xenfemlik's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Xenfemlik's Holy Commandments

1. Birds are not to be trusted.

2. Do not wear white clothing.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always help sick hamsters.

5. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.