Sandwatcanlog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, compassionate bat.

Sandwatcanlog created carbon four billion years ago.

If you believe in Sandwatcanlog, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Sandwatcanlog, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Sandwatcanlog's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Sandwatcanlog's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in holy places.

2. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always help geese in need.

5. Always look after injured bats.