Tig is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, unthoughtful grasshopper.

Tig created Asia two million years ago.

If you believe in Tig, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tig, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tig's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tig.

2. Always make sure there are no ants in a building before entering it.

3. Never wear hats.

4. Do not wear indigo clothing.

5. Hide if three goats approach from the west.