Afxemjad is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unjust skunk.

Afxemjad created dark matter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Afxemjad, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Afxemjad, it will turn you into a tree.

Afxemjad's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Afxemjad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured dogs.

2. Always help otters.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.