Zagvonkbesttin is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, all-knowing goose.

Zagvonkbesttin created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Zagvonkbesttin, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zagvonkbesttin, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Zagvonkbesttin's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Zagvonkbesttin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never paint your chest indigo.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not drink alcohol.