Gab is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, generous dingo.

Gab created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gab, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gab, it will turn you into a goat.

Gab's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Gab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Respect your elders.