Ominloopflamman is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, strong raccoon.

Ominloopflamman created light nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Ominloopflamman, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ominloopflamman, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ominloopflamman's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Ominloopflamman's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Hide from orange birds for they are unholy.

3. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate gulls.