Hakyarpfarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, humorless grasshopper.

Hakyarpfarn created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakyarpfarn, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hakyarpfarn, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Hakyarpfarn's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Hakyarpfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always obey Hakyarpfarn's priests.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never eat green fruit.