Vontigwig is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, competent parrot.

Vontigwig created dark energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vontigwig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vontigwig, he will destroy your favourite star.

Vontigwig's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Vontigwig's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vontigwig.

2. Vontigwig must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Feed all hungry voles.

4. You must love Vontigwig.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.