Larpjarncun is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, clever seal.

Larpjarncun created Europe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larpjarncun, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Larpjarncun, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Larpjarncun's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Larpjarncun's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never feed pineapples to birds while wearing yellow coats.

4. Never think ill of sick swans.

5. Always look after injured geese.