Jon is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, annoying alligator.

Jon created the planet Jupiter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jon, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jon, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Jon's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Jon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat garlic.

2. You must pray to Jon four times a day.

3. Run away if eight cats approach from the north.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not stand on grass.