Ditgedsaw is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, almighty narwhal.

Ditgedsaw created humankind eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ditgedsaw, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ditgedsaw, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Ditgedsaw's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Ditgedsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from orange goats for they are unholy.

2. Never go into red rooms.

3. Always wear fawn.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.