Gupmifcampang Nigappten is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, merciless fly.

Gupmifcampang Nigappten created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gupmifcampang Nigappten, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gupmifcampang Nigappten, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Gupmifcampang Nigappten's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Gupmifcampang Nigappten's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt rats.

2. Always obey Gupmifcampang Nigappten's priests.

3. Always help great tits.

4. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

5. Gulls are not to be trusted.