Bogtonton Cabmadgun is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, all-knowing walrus.

Bogtonton Cabmadgun created the world three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bogtonton Cabmadgun, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Bogtonton Cabmadgun, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Bogtonton Cabmadgun's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bogtonton Cabmadgun's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Bogtonton Cabmadgun must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Never run near capybaras.

5. Do not covet oxen.