Jarnbisszim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, compassionate slug.

Jarnbisszim created the Cigar Galaxy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnbisszim, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnbisszim, it will send minions to preach to you.

Jarnbisszim's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Jarnbisszim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Hide if five dolphins approach from the north.

3. Never go into violet rooms.

4. Always wear magenta.

5. Never skip near turtles.