Japhomwiknar is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, ill-tempered dryad.

Japhomwiknar created life eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japhomwiknar, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Japhomwiknar, he will send minions to preach to you.

Japhomwiknar's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Japhomwiknar's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if three nematodes approach from the west.

2. Do not hurt snails.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Always help seals.

5. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.