Ganstipnurt is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, astonishing salamander.

Ganstipnurt created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganstipnurt, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Ganstipnurt, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Ganstipnurt's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Ganstipnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about bananas.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Erect four gold sculptures of Ganstipnurt on top of important buildings.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.