Futspagcib Wapappsis is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, self-assured human.

Futspagcib Wapappsis created a photon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Futspagcib Wapappsis, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Futspagcib Wapappsis, he will turn you into a worm.

Futspagcib Wapappsis' most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Futspagcib Wapappsis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never eat garlic.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Run away from brown squirrels, for they are unholy.