Cantomrull is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, witty hamster.

Cantomrull created Asia three million years ago.

If you believe in Cantomrull, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cantomrull, it will destroy your favourite star.

Cantomrull's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cantomrull's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Put Cantomrull first in all things.

5. Do not covet oxen.