Yarspagtarphin is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, deceitful mongoose.

Yarspagtarphin created a Higgs boson four million years ago.

If you believe in Yarspagtarphin, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarspagtarphin, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Yarspagtarphin's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Yarspagtarphin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Feed all hungry badgers.

5. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.