Ponlenjanbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, tranquil gerbil.

Ponlenjanbeg created silver eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ponlenjanbeg, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ponlenjanbeg, he will refuse to believe in you.

Ponlenjanbeg's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Ponlenjanbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Ponlenjanbeg's name in vain.

2. Retreat if eight doves approach from the north.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Always help rats in need.

5. Never play with disobedient children.