Japdudwittaf is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish wren.

Japdudwittaf created matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japdudwittaf, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Japdudwittaf, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Japdudwittaf's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Japdudwittaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near porpoises.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Retreat if seven frogs approach from the west.

4. Never talk about cell theory.

5. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.