Metnadarn is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, emotional beaver.

Metnadarn created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Metnadarn, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Metnadarn, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Metnadarn's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Metnadarn's Holy Commandments

1. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Erect nine tin sculptures of Metnadarn on top of important buildings.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Metnadarn.