Shavtikcen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, humane armadillo.

Shavtikcen created vertebrates eight million years ago.

If you believe in Shavtikcen, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Shavtikcen, she will manifest in front of you.

Shavtikcen's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Shavtikcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about pineapples.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Retreat if three seals approach from the north.

5. Moths are unholy and should not be approached.