Lapkarfub is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, fussy wyrm.

Lapkarfub created the planet Saturn seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapkarfub, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lapkarfub, it will turn you into a slug.

Lapkarfub's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Lapkarfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in holy places.

2. Run away if five grasshopers approach from the south.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not wear green clothing.

5. Always wear mauve.