Mistailyam is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured manatee.

Mistailyam created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mistailyam, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Mistailyam, she will torture you forever.

Mistailyam's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Mistailyam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never sit near aardvarks.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Worship no other gods but Mistailyam.

5. You must love Mistailyam.