Zakpagduss Jipnarvan Ontfutkappig is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, awesome penguin.

Zakpagduss Jipnarvan Ontfutkappig created a quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Zakpagduss Jipnarvan Ontfutkappig, it will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Zakpagduss Jipnarvan Ontfutkappig, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Zakpagduss Jipnarvan Ontfutkappig's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Zakpagduss Jipnarvan Ontfutkappig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never paint your face brown.