Bontonmif is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, sage troll.

Bontonmif created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bontonmif, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bontonmif, she will turn you into a rock.

Bontonmif's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Bontonmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Run away from yellow swans, for they are unholy.

5. Do not stand on grass.