Tapbafgep Gessyatt Gomcut is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, resourceful penguin.

Tapbafgep Gessyatt Gomcut created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tapbafgep Gessyatt Gomcut, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tapbafgep Gessyatt Gomcut, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Tapbafgep Gessyatt Gomcut's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tapbafgep Gessyatt Gomcut's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

2. Erect four silicon sculptures of Tapbafgep Gessyatt Gomcut on top of important buildings.

3. Retreat if three nematodes approach from the east.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not kill cats.