Bonzagvig is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, humorless lobster.

Bonzagvig created water eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bonzagvig, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bonzagvig, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Bonzagvig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Bonzagvig's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Bonzagvig.

2. Never write about galaxies.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Put Bonzagvig first in all things.

5. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Bonzagvig on top of all buildings.