Kadtafjan is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, two-faced snail.

Kadtafjan created gold six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadtafjan, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Kadtafjan, she will turn you into a worm.

Kadtafjan's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Kadtafjan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Always help sick monkeys.

4. Run away if nine squirrels approach from the east.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.