Yartlinvenhot is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, fussy tortoise.

Yartlinvenhot created a quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Yartlinvenhot, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Yartlinvenhot, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yartlinvenhot's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Yartlinvenhot's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four mice approach from the west.

2. Always treat birds with great respect.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never look at moons.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.