Tadwaptaf Vedgatmil is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, able crab.

Tadwaptaf Vedgatmil created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tadwaptaf Vedgatmil, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tadwaptaf Vedgatmil, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Tadwaptaf Vedgatmil's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Tadwaptaf Vedgatmil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Never sit in the presence of dogs.

3. Always help shrews in need.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never eat coconuts.