Quaffed is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, prudent tapir.

Quaffed created viruses nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaffed, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Quaffed, it will turn you into a rat.

Quaffed's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Quaffed's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Quaffed on top of all buildings.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.