Barnbegort is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, duplicitous seal.

Barnbegort created an up quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnbegort, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Barnbegort, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Barnbegort's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Barnbegort's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

2. Run away from orange hamsters, for they are unholy.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never feed corn to badgers while wearing indigo rings.

5. Never bounce in the presence of geese.