Jablimdin Quagkabwan is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, grumpy jellyfish.

Jablimdin Quagkabwan created a Higgs boson nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jablimdin Quagkabwan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jablimdin Quagkabwan, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Jablimdin Quagkabwan's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Jablimdin Quagkabwan's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Never eat peanuts.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Always help capybaras.