Tonwee is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, tiresome weasel.

Tonwee created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonwee, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Tonwee, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Tonwee's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tonwee's Holy Commandments

1. Tonwee loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

2. Run away from gray mice, for they are unholy.

3. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonwee.

5. Do not shave your head.