Hitjanrul is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unsympathetic goblin.

Hitjanrul created an electron five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitjanrul, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Hitjanrul, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Hitjanrul's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Hitjanrul's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not kill pigs.