Targhapquart is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, loving walrus.

Targhapquart created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Targhapquart, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Targhapquart, it will throw large rocks at you.

Targhapquart's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Targhapquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate eagles.

5. Always help snails.