Zagwikflab is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, annoying narwhal.

Zagwikflab created time and space nine million years ago.

If you believe in Zagwikflab, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zagwikflab, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Zagwikflab's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Zagwikflab's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Zagwikflab.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not hurt cats.

5. Always wear blue.