Nanxemgar is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, duplicitous octopus.

Nanxemgar created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nanxemgar, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nanxemgar, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Nanxemgar's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Nanxemgar's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never paint your chest pink.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.