Metyiklad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, grumpy squid.

Metyiklad created a photon seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metyiklad, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Metyiklad, she will remove you from existence.

Metyiklad's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Metyiklad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.

4. Metyiklad must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Always pray immersed in water.