Tiprilwon is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, irritating ant.

Tiprilwon created the cosmos nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tiprilwon, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tiprilwon, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tiprilwon's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Tiprilwon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cats.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Tiprilwon loves snakes, so they must be honoured.