Vanpongep Mongomcem is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, idiotic wolf.

Vanpongep Mongomcem created a strange quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vanpongep Mongomcem, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vanpongep Mongomcem, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Vanpongep Mongomcem's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Vanpongep Mongomcem's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Vanpongep Mongomcem.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. You must love Vanpongep Mongomcem.

4. Never skip in the presence of hamsters.

5. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.